When Reality Sets In: Responding to Life’s Unfairness (1 Samuel 20)
Big Idea:
When life is hard or unfair, our response still need to be guided by the gospel.
Life rarely unfolds the way we expect. From the moment we graduate or step into a new season, we discover that our plans often collide with unforeseen challenges. Sometimes the hardest lessons arrive silently—until suddenly, reality sets in.
In 1 Samuel 20, we encounter one of those turning points in the lives of David and Jonathan. It’s the moment when innocence gives way to hard truth: Saul’s jealousy has escalated to a life-and-death pursuit of his son’s dearest friend. Through their covenant of loyalty, their emotional farewell, and David’s narrow escape, God teaches us how to face disappointment and injustice—and how to respond in a way that honors Him.
Together, let us…
Explore what “reality setting in” looked like for David, Jonathan, and us
Unpack why life is not fair—even for the godly
Discover six biblical principles for responding when the world seems unjust
I. Reality Sets In
“And David said to Jonathan, ‘We both know there is but a step between me and death.’”
– 1 Samuel 20:3
A few seasons of life stick with you forever—moments when you realize things will never be the same. For me, I can still picture that day in Iowa when my parents unloaded my suitcases and left me at the front gate of a small Bible college. I was 500 miles from home, I’d never lived on my own, and only two friends were waiting to welcome me. A wave of panic hit: “Who am I now, without my family’s reputation or my friends’ companionship?” In that moment, I knew I could either cling to Christ’s promise for strength, or crumble under loneliness.
Another season of sudden clarity arrived when our baby girl, Ruby, was diagnosed with a medical condition at the Cleveland Clinic. We learned that she would need special care for the rest of her life. Fear crept in—until we chose to anchor our hope in the unchanging character of God rather than in the world’s fleeting comforts.
In 1 Samuel 20, David and Jonathan awaken to the harshest kind of reality: Saul, Jonathan’s father and Israel’s king, is plotting to kill David. Up until this chapter, David has enjoyed divine favor, seen enemies defeated at his hand, and enjoyed friendship with the heir to the throne. But now, everything changes.
David’s desperate question (vs. 1–4):
“What have I done? What is my sin before your father, that he seeks my life?”
Jonathan reassures him that Saul wouldn’t act without first consulting him.
Secret plan for confirmation (vs. 5–13):
Jonathan proposes a test tied to the New Moon feast.
If Saul reacts with banter and calm, all is well; if he erupts in anger, the danger is real.
David even offers Jonathan the right to kill him if he’s in the wrong—such is their covenant of brotherly loyalty.
Jonathan’s oath and covenant (vs. 14–17):
Jonathan binds himself and his descendants to care for David’s family forever.
He pledges to sound out his father’s heart and warn David if death looms.
Feast day drama (vs. 18–23):
David’s place at the royal table is empty for two days.
Saul feigns ignorance at first (“Surely he’s unclean”)—but soon demands Jonathan bring David to him, dead or alive.
Furious, Saul hurls a spear at his own son for siding with David.
The farewell in the field (vs. 35–42):
Jonathan sends a boy to fetch David with a coded arrow signal.
When the arrows fly beyond the lad, the message is urgent: “Flee for your life.”
David and Jonathan fall on each other’s necks, weep together, then share a final blessing: “Go in peace.”
At that moment, Jonathan’s world shatters: his father’s jealousy has cost him his closest friend—and perhaps his inheritance. David’s world shatters, too: the sanctuary of royal favor morphs into a death sentence. Reality has permanently altered their trajectories.
II. Life Is Not Fair
“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves... Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
– Romans 12:19
When David and Jonathan faced betrayal by the one who should have protected them, they discovered a universal truth: life is not fair.
Saul’s jealousy isn’t rooted in justice but in fear: fear of losing power, fear of being outshone by a shepherd boy.
Society’s structures—like monarchy or even modern institutions—cannot guarantee equitable treatment.
Human hearts are prone to selfishness, bias, and idolatry (James 1:13–16).
III. Blueprint For A Godly Response
Yet we are not left defenseless. Scripture offers a six-point blueprint for responding when the deck seems stacked against us:
Let’s explore each of these in turn.
1. Pursue Righteousness
“Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God’... God cannot be tempted with evil.”
– James 1:13
James reminds us that temptation arises from our own desires, not from a sovereign God. When we encounter injustice—whether at work, in friendships, or within our own families—we can retreat into bitterness or anger. But God calls us to something higher: to reflect His holy character by pursuing integrity, self-control, and love, even under duress.
Personal Application:
Ask: “Where do I feel justified in ‘getting even’?”
Pray for the Holy Spirit’s power to choose righteousness over personal vindication.
2. Return Good for Evil
“Repay no one evil for evil... have regard for good in the sight of all men.”
– Romans 12:17
We love the phrase “an eye for an eye,” but Jesus ushers in a new ethic: an eye that gives sight. When we bless rather than curse, we demonstrate who rules our hearts. David, even while fleeing for his life, continued to serve Saul with his harp, hoping to soothe his master’s soul. True greatness looks like generosity born of grace—especially amid injustice.
Practical Steps:
Write down the names of people who’ve wronged you.
Choose one and list genuine ways to bless them (prayer, encouragement, acts of service).
3. Go Toward Your Enemies
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
– Romans 12:18
Our instinct is flight—pushing away those who hurt us. Yet followers of Christ are called to bridge-building. This doesn’t mean seeking out toxic relationships, but rather seeking reconciliation whenever there’s a possibility for peace.
Real-World Example:
A co-worker publicly shames you. Instead of avoidance, ask permission to talk one-on-one. Listen to their concerns, share your side, and pray for mutual understanding.
4. Avoid When Peace Is Impossible
Biblical peacemaking has boundaries. Even Jesus cleared the temple when corruption reigned. There are seasons when distance preserves your spiritual health and witness. David’s escape into the wilderness was not cowardice, but obedience to Jonathan’s warning—and a wise concession that peace was no longer possible under Saul’s wrath.
Questions to Consider:
Where might distance (emotional, physical, or spiritual) bless your soul?
How can you seek God’s guidance in discerning when to engage and when to withdraw?
5. Never Retaliate
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God… Vengeance is mine.”
– Romans 12:19
Our hearts crave justice, often in the form of revenge. Yet the New Testament repeatedly reinscribes sovereignty in God’s hands. By surrendering our rights, we acknowledge that only He sees the full picture, measures every motive, and administers perfect justice.
Reflection Exercise:
Journal your hardest grievances.
Ask God to replace each desire for revenge with a petition for His mercy on the offender.
6. Overcome Evil with Good
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him… heap coals of fire on his head.”
– Romans 12:20–21
This counterintuitive instruction is a powerful witness. Confronted with hostility, responding with tangible acts of kindness confounds evil, exposing its futility. The “coals of fire” symbolize the offender’s conviction under the weight of undeserved grace—and point them toward repentance and the gospel.
Action Plan:
Identify a current “enemy” or critic.
Brainstorm specific ways to meet a need in their life (a meal, a listening ear, a kind note).
IV. Holding Fast to the Gospel
Through David and Jonathan’s story, and the New Testament blueprint for responding correctly, we see a clear pattern: when life is unfair, God’s justice and mercy define our response. We’re called not merely to survive injustice, but to shine as a witness to the world—pointing toward the ultimate Justice‐Maker, Jesus Christ.
Righteousness (James 1)
Grace in action (Rom 12:17)
Peacemaking (Rom 12:18)
Wise avoidance (Rom 12:18)
Divine vengeance (Rom 12:19)
Good conquers evil (Rom 12:20–21)
As you face your own “1 Samuel 20” moments—whether in broken friendships, workplace politics, or family divisions—remember that the Holy Spirit empowers you to respond exactly as Christ would: with courage forged in humility, and grace delivered in truth.
Discussion Questions
When has “reality set in” for you, and how did you initially respond?
Which of the six principles (righteousness, return good for evil, go toward enemies, avoid when peace fails, never retaliate, overcome evil with good) do you find easiest or hardest to practice? Why?
Think of someone who has wronged you. What is one tangible way you could “return good for evil” this week?
Where might you need to withdraw from a situation for your spiritual health, and how can you discern that boundary in prayer?
How does leaving vengeance to God relieve the burden of bitterness and shame in your heart?
Identify a current “enemy” or critic in your life. Brainstorm and commit to one act of kindness toward them in the next seven days.
How does the gospel empower you to face injustice differently than the world’s way?
Life will always bring unfair twists—but Christ’s grace equips us to stand firm. May His Spirit guide you into every situation with wisdom, courage, and the reconciling love of the gospel.
If you want to learn more about responding to the tough and unfair parts of life, Shepherd Thoughts exists to help you live out your faith. If you or a friend needs support or resources to love God and love others more, please reach out to us today. We’d love to help.
