Obedience and Influence in 2 Samuel 3
Big Idea:
Glorifying God is the foundation for wise influence.
Let’s turn to 2 Samuel 3, a chapter packed with political intrigue, power plays, and strategic relationships during a tense time in Israel’s history. This chapter covers a long war between the house of Saul and the house of David. While David grows stronger, Saul’s house weakens, and the dynamics between key players reveal lessons in influence, character, and obedience.
As we walk through this chapter, pay attention to the different ways influence is gained and lost—and how David’s example calls us to act with integrity and strategic wisdom in our own lives.
The Characters in the Struggle for Influence
The chapter introduces several key players, each using different methods to gain or hold influence. Understanding these characters helps us see the varied approaches to power and the spiritual implications behind them.
1. David: Strategic Relationships
David’s influence is growing, but not merely through force or intimidation. He forms strategic relationships, often through marriage alliances and family ties.
David’s wives Ahinoam and Abigail came from influential families in Judah, which helped secure his position.
He also married Maacah, daughter of a neighboring king east of the Jordan, close to Ish-Bosheth’s capital. This was no accident—marriage was a strategic tool to build alliances.
His multiple sons (heirs) further cement his influence.
David’s approach is calculated and strategic, using relational influence rather than brute force.
2. Abner: Wielding Power
Abner, Saul’s cousin and commander of his army, represents the wielding of raw power to maintain and expand influence.
He crowns Ish-Bosheth king after Saul’s death.
He strengthens the house of Saul through military might and political maneuvering.
Abner is a powerful figure but one motivated by control.
His “brute force” methods contrast with David’s more relational and strategic style.
3. Ish-Bosheth: Fearful Compliance
Ish-Bosheth, Saul’s son and rival king, is portrayed as insecure and fearful.
When he confronts Abner about sleeping with Saul’s concubine (a potential power grab), Abner’s angry threat silences him.
Ish-Bosheth complies not out of conviction or courage but fear—fearful compliance.
This weakness undermines his position.
4. Abner’s Improper Intentions
Though Abner seems to pursue a peace treaty with David, his real intentions are questionable.
His efforts to make agreements seem more about consolidating his own power than genuine reconciliation.
He talks to elders and Benjamin to strengthen his position, always aiming to gain more influence.
This improper intention shows the danger of self-serving leadership.
5. Joab: Self-Engrossed Loyalty
Joab, David’s general, is driven by personal loyalty and vengeance.
Unaware of the treaty between Abner and David, Joab kills Abner to avenge his brother Asahel’s death.
His actions are self-engrossed, putting personal vendetta above the peace of the kingdom.
Joab’s impulsive violence threatens to undo all David’s strategic work.
6. David: Honoring Opportunities with Calculated Actions
David mourns Abner’s death publicly, distancing himself from Joab’s act.
His lament shows David’s heart for unity and justice.
David uses this moment to demonstrate calculated leadership—he navigates the political fallout carefully.
His ability to seize the opportunity without compromising integrity continues his ascent to power.
Gaining Influence Comes in Many Forms
When we step back, the chapter paints a vivid picture of the different ways people seek to gain influence:
Strategic Relationships (David)
Wielding Power (Abner)
Fearful Compliance (Ish-Bosheth)
Improper Intentions (Abner)
Self-Engrossment (Joab)
Calculated Opportunities (David)
We see these patterns in many aspects of life—workplaces, families, churches, and communities.
Navigating Relationships in a Complex World
This chapter challenges us to think about how we navigate relationships today. Influence isn’t just about who has the loudest voice or strongest hand—it’s also about character, intention, and obedience to God.
1. Our Goal Must Be to Glorify God
Above all else, our actions and relationships should bring glory to God. Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 10:31, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
If we lose sight of this, our relationships and influence become self-serving or destructive.
This should be our daily, hourly reminder.
2. Guard Your Heart and Mind
The world’s methods of gaining influence often involve manipulation, fear, and selfishness.
We must guard ourselves so that we don’t adopt these methods.
This means being vigilant about our motives and how we treat others.
3. Recognize How Relationships Influence Us
Relationships shape our thinking and behavior—often more than we realize.
We must cultivate godly relationships that push us to honor God.
Beware of toxic influences that promote fear, selfishness, or power grabs.
4. Speak Words that Encourage, Not Criticize
Our words reveal our hearts.
God calls us to speak with grace and encouragement.
Watch how people use words—are they building up or tearing down?
Practical Takeaways for Leadership and Life
Be strategic in your relationships, looking for ways to build alliances and strengthen unity without compromising integrity.
Avoid wielding power selfishly or with improper motives.
Do not comply out of fear; stand firm in truth and righteousness.
Resist being self-engrossed or taking justice into your own hands impulsively.
Seize opportunities with careful calculation and obedience to God.
Let all your actions glorify God—this is the foundation for wise influence.
Final Reflection
Reading this chapter, it almost feels like an action-packed movie filled with intrigue, plot twists, and tension. But this isn’t fiction—it’s the real story of God’s people and their leaders.
David’s journey reminds us that true influence requires obedience, humility, and wisdom. May we learn from his example and seek to lead in ways that honor God, build others up, and navigate relationships with grace.
Study Questions
What different methods of gaining influence do you see in 2 Samuel 3? How do they compare to your own experiences or observations?
Why do you think David’s strategic marriages were important in his rise to power? What does this teach us about relationships?
How does Abner’s use of power differ from David’s approach? What are the spiritual dangers in wielding power improperly?
What role does fear play in Ish-Bosheth’s behavior? How can fear impact decision-making in leadership or relationships?
How do Joab’s actions complicate the peace David is trying to build? What lessons can we learn about managing personal loyalties and justice?
How does David’s public mourning of Abner reflect his leadership character? Why is it important to publicly distance oneself from wrongful actions done by others?
What practical steps can you take to guard your heart and mind in your relationships and leadership?
If you want to learn more about leading in a way that honors God, Shepherd Thoughts exists to help you live out your faith. If you or a friend needs support or resources to love God and love others more, please reach out to us today. We’d love to help.
